How can I advance if I do not listen?

How can I advance if I do not listen?

How many times have I been told….”Mother, you are not listening” How many times I am only thinking of my own answers, while the other person is trying to say something? I now realize that I am missing at least 70% of what is going on there in the world….I do not listen! I am learning that “Listening” is a powerful tool for inner growth! Active Listening is a skill, which first requires the willingness to develop that skill. Taking the first step towards listening is recognizing that I really do not listen from my inside.

Many, many things happen inside while listening. Many defense mechanisms are triggered as the words are translated into emotions as I, we, hear them. These emotions are not even identified most of the time, so deep inside are they, that not listening, is already in an “automatic mode”. Unless awareness and Active Listening become active, I could just keep going all along with my own convenience of “Selective Listening”.

How can I start to really understand what is meant by listening? Because, my intellect, many times, is not impartial and “translates” situations from my own data, based on past issues and Present Habits, which are, of course (important!!!!) I went to the dictionary and looked for the definition of Listening, this way, my intellect has no choice but to “LISTEN” to what socially and globally is accepted as the act of “listening” (I do accept, internally, the concept and meaning given to the word) then, the dictionary says:
“Listen – 1 Make an effort to hear.....” Voila….hearing…which in the dictionary is recognized as “Hearing – 1 Perceive with the ear…” Exactly…I have been hearing….all along….

But then the dictionary has a second meaning for listening…”2 take notice of…” Hmmmm, here is where my intellect picks up, translates, compares my inner data base and decides automatically, to either go “Selective Listening” or just plain “Hearing”. Aha!!! Got you!!!! Right now is the beginning of the END of this hearing nonsense!

I.C.A. says:
“Listening requires the willingness to understand what is being said ALONG with feeling the emotion that is being expressed by the client” I will start by applying this concept to myself first…so important… - listening – understanding – feeling - then I will be ready to listen to the client in an impartial and objective way.
“Active Listening is a skill to listen to the client’s real desires and wants” Here, I will start questioning myself first, what is really behind why I am not listening at a given moment. What are my non resolved issues, what is so scary about what is being said, how it is affecting me, what are my identified desires and wants on what is being said….to me!
And the one million dollar question, at least for me is:
“Active Listening is listening to many things that are going on at the same time” Definitely it will require from me the effort of - not being impulsive as I am; have patience, which I need; committment to myself, which I forget; to be brave and bring out my inner issues, not hide them; be humble to accept mistakes, which I fight; and be good to myself… Elsa… are you listening?????